What do you do when you feel like you’ve tried everything you know to do but you’re still getting nowhere?
You’ve done the grind, crushed it, built it, sorted it, studied it, fixed it, raised it, and even overcome it, in the name of getting some thing or somewhere so you can have that elusive feeling of success and the long-term happiness that surely comes with it.
I can’t think of anyone I’ve met that doesn’t have somewhere they’re trying to get to. A goal that will set them up for a better future one where once they’ve made the sacrifices, worked hard, so they can finally sit back, relax into that hard-earned feeling of success and the imagined happiness that comes from earning it.
It could be the regular guy who’s hit 35 and has done everything society told him to do. Worked hard, saved, got promoted, bought the car, the house. He takes care of himself, the gym to keep in shape, watches what he eats, he’s even spent time on self-improvement, so he can move past his limitations, because the answer is always more, bigger, better. Or is it?
Painting that picture, by any measure you would think he was successful.
This was me. I was working hard, earning good money but it never quite seemed enough.
And to be fair, I didn’t know any better. Instead of changing, I doubled down and did more of the same. I worked harder, did longer hours and tried for promotions so I could earn more. In my mind, that’s where the answer lay. More, bigger, better stuff.
As I write this the words on the sign above the gates at Auschwitz Nazi death camp come to mind, ‘Arbeit Macht Frei’, ‘Work Sets You Free’. Perhaps an indication of where that thought train can lead.
To fulfil my ambition, I became a searcher. Looking for that one piece of information or technique that would unlock the key to success. In my mind, it was only a short hop from success to happiness, and then I could rest, relax and enjoy life, rather than always pushing. Then back in 2013 I was lucky enough to come across what I now share. But even that didn’t stop me, until I’d exhausted myself and started to realise that searching was only a distraction from where the answers really lay.
Or what about the teenager, in her last years of high school. Working hard to get good grades, so she can attend the right University, to get the right degree and find the right job. The same teenager with zero attention span, at least four social media accounts on four different social platforms to manage. Worrying about ‘likes’ trying to figure out life, dealing with friends, popularity, a changing body with changing hormones, throw in relationships, teenage angst and you’ve got a pressure cooker waiting to blow.
What does she do when she hits a bump? The amount of work is overwhelming, the pressure to succeed becomes too much and she can’t keep up the image of living a perfect life.
Does she learn a technique to deal with anxiety? or find a safe place away from the harshness of the world? From my own experience it’s difficult enough to remember a technique when your emotions take over let alone carry it out on yourself and have the desired effect.
She may not know it, but she already has everything she needs, not only to survive, but to thrive. Like most of us, she only needs someone to show her where.
The backgrounds and circumstances of our lives may be different, but there is something Universal about the human condition. We’re all seeking to feel good, have a better life and trying to find a way to make it happen. It could be through goals that get us something, our work, social media, alcohol, drugs, sex or trying to win the lottery. We humans have an amazing array of habits and techniques that we like to use to distract ourselves from the mundane regularity of everyday life, and the underlying fear that things, ‘might not get better’.
But what do you do when you’ve tried everything else you can think of, haven’t got what you want and don’t know what to do next?
What do you do when your searching isn’t leading you in the direction or getting you the results you’d hoped?
What do you do when all else leaves you feeling lost, unsatisfied and unfulfilled?
I can recall talking to a perspective client several years ago and him saying to me, “I’m not into that feely touchy woo woo stuff”. Understandable, it’s something I struggled with too.
If your only experience of woo woo is, psychics, crystals and energy healing, and none of that appeals to you, then you might well be sceptical. It’s without form, it can’t be touched, heard, smelt, seen or tasted, and when we can’t use our five senses to understand it, it’s easy for us to discount.
If only people would apply the same rigour to their own thinking. As far as I can tell no thought can pass the see, feel, smell, touch or taste test, yet we put a lot of stock in those. Especially negative thoughts and negative self-talk.
I’m Afraid The Answer Is In The Woo Woo
When I say woo woo I’m referring to the space beneath the noise of our habitual thinking. The space where peace, quiet, comfort and our own version genius reside. Theosopher Sydney Banks referred to this space as Mind. A space behind the scenes with the knowledge of all things. Jung referred to it as the Superconscious. It comes to you as a feeling and when you allow, it will guide, heal and nurture. It’s the space of the soul and is unchangeable and constant.
For me, and other people I know they have found come to know this place and the many benefits it offers.
The plaque of my habitual thinking is falling away. Creativity I didn’t know existed has been unearthed, insecure thought that manifested as self-doubt has dissolved. And as I’ve become less inclined to buy into negative thinking, I’ve had less need for distraction, make more progress on my goals and have become more discerning about where I want to expend my energy and for what purpose. I confess, I sometimes lose sight of my new-found clarity and have my moments, but I bounce back quickly.
And just as important, I’m more comfortable being me, which has led to less self-destructive behaviour and deeper relationships. And all-round, a richer experience of life.
The Peace of Mind
I was recently listening to the Michael Neill authored audiobook ‘The Space Within’ (for the third time), when I heard something completely different that sums this up for me. He spoke about ‘the peace of mind’, and not ‘peace of mind’ as I’d previously heard.
The difference is subtle but distinctive.
When the turmoil of my own thinking overwhelms me, it’s not up to me to control or settle my thinking. If I want ‘peace of mind’, then I turn inwards, to the space within and settle in to ‘the Peace of Mind’ that’s always there.
It’s my harbour in a storm and available to every one of us.
