This Little Light of Mine, I’m Gonna Let it Shine – Traditional Gospel Lyrics
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. ~ Marianne Williamson
In my early twenties I spent a lot of time running. I had been talked into running a marathon to support a friend and got bitten by the bug. As the years went by the gym and the Rugby field became more familiar than pounding the streets. However, I still enjoy the memory of falling into the rhythm of a run, noticing the quietening of my mind as I slipped into the ‘zone’. While I no longer run as much, I still make the occasional effort to put on my shoes and hit the streets.
As it was, I was out running a few mornings ago, letting my mind bounce from thought to thought with no agenda, seeing where the thoughts would take me.
I felt a small pang of sadness when I realised that I’d been back in Sydney for a week after spending five days in LA participating in a small group mastermind.
Thinking back over the time I spent, I smiled inwardly at the thought of the new connections and shared conversations with people I’d only just met from the other side of the world.
The memory that I focused on was of me speaking. I recall starting my talk and soon found myself swimming in a sea of peace. I’ve experienced that feeling before, but I can’t recall it being that deep. As my talk progressed, I was struggling to find words as I sunk deeper into a feeling of pure peace and wellbeing. Not what you’d call a recipe for a successful talk. For me though, the best part of that was noticing how quiet the room became, as if the feeling was being passed from one person to the next, until as Sydney Banks once put it “we were all swimming in a pool of God”.
It wasn’t till a few days later I remembered a previous experience when I first tried to share this understanding. Soon after starting to talk, I would find myself sinking into a deeply peaceful state and the words would dry up. Back then I thought it was a problem and would get frustrated, bursting the feeling bubble. Insecurity had me wanting to speak, when wisdom was pointing me towards silence, urging me to wait patiently until the right words came to mind.
This has me recalling a line from a recording by mystic Sydney Banks.
“If you’re listening to this in your car and you find yourself in a beautiful feeling, roll down your window, pop the tape out of the tape player, and throw it out the window. Stay with the feeling, and it will teach you everything you need to know.” ~ Sydney Banks
I think I’ve finally realised much of what he had been trying to direct us towards in his many writings and recordings. It’s not words, but that deeper feeling of love and peace that is always available beneath the chaos of our habitual thing, is what best serves us.
I also realise the irony of it all. We use words to try and express something where words can’t do justice. An outside in approach to an inside out understanding. And to make it worse, getting hung up on what words to use, made me really see the humour in it all. I seemed to have mastered tying myself in knots.
The (Thought) Train It Won’t Stop Going ~ Jethro Tull – Locomotive Breath
“Before thought is only perfection. Somewhere before thought you’re already everything you want to be.” ~ an articulation of my first profound insight
As I continued my run and my thought train travelled on, I had the biggest realisation of them all.
I started this piece with a well-known quote by Marianne Williamson. Like many people, I was touched by the words the first time I read it.
I still think the words are wonderful, but my understanding what she means by light to has changed. When I first read it, I thought it was about me. What is it that makes me unique and special and how do I go about bringing that into the world?
And that was daunting. It seems like a lot of pressure. Thoughts such as, ‘what will [people] think’? Insert friends, family, colleagues into the list of people as appropriate. Feelings of fraud, good old imposter syndrome, not wanting to be noticed, called out, mixed with memories of childhood embarrassment, all thrown into the melting pot of overthinking.
The result? wanting to stay anonymous, hidden in the shadows, free from questions and criticism.
But consider this. What if our fear was the result of misunderstanding? What if it wasn’t your light to shine in the first place?
What if the light the Marianne Williamson talks about is the light before Thought? Not the egocentric, flashing neon light that cries out ‘look at me, I’m special, I’m an individual’. But the comforting warm yellow glow that promises sanctuary in a storm, a light that emanates from deep within our own consciousness.
This light provides wisdom, guidance and inspiration when needed. It’s the source of deep comfort, security and love. When we tap into this place, we bring to life a unique expression that can only come into the world through us. A light without limitation. It’s the same space I fell into while talking and it’s there in all of us. Always present beneath the noise of our everyday thinking. To find it, you only need to turn inward, go quiet and listen to the whispers of love and guidance that it provides.
This is the light we’re being called to show the world.
And when you live and create from this space, what you bring into it is not special, not spectacular, but just like your fingerprints, it’s uniquely yours and yours alone. Distinctive and at the same time ordinary.
